What is Going All In?

Going All In is an exploration of all things love, relationships and what makes a life well lived. You can expect my own musings about the the dating and relationship landscape, stories, data, links to other things I find interesting, lists and expert interviews.

Who are you?

• I’m a writer, an Ayurvedic counselor and an infinitely curious human

• I (Sara Fay) have over 15 years of experience in storytelling and branding as a marketing executive

• I’ve been been quoted in The New York Times, WWD, Architectural Digest and Fast Company.

• I’ve always been fascinated by love and the narratives we create around it

I love data and lists. So expect compilations like this:

• We’re dating and pursuing relationships within a staggering confluence of technological advancements and shifting societal norms.

  • To name a few -

    • The rise of social media

    • The proliferation of dating app use

    • The largest gender divide we’ve ever had in US politics

    • Easy access to free pornography

    • Disillusionment with traditional views of monogamy

    • Early stages of AI dating clones and AI companions

    • The crisis of men/ redefining masculinity

    • “We’re raising the most anxious, depressed, obese, and addicted generation in history.” - Jonathan Haidt

    • Declining fertility rates

    • The therap-ization of everything and everyone

    • Decline in marriage, rise in single people

    • The counter culture of conscious relating (polarity work)

    • (Kind of a bonkers list??)

Why Should I Subscribe?

If you too are fascinated by dating and relationships. It’s the topic I could talk about and analyze until the end of time, ad nauseam. If that’s you too, you might like it here.

Why is it Called Going All In?

I think we’re here on Earth to live the full expansive range of the human experience. The Atlantic published a piece in December 2024 called “The Slow Quiet Demise of American Romance” and they noted that: “There isn't a fundamental shift in desire for partnership among young people—only in outcome. ‘Finding a partner is ‘too difficult. It’s too hard. And I’m having a lot of negative experiences that I just don’t want to have.’”

It seems to me like part of the problem in our relational landscape is that we’re choosing comfort over everything. It’s reflected in the fashion; athleisure and sneakers over corporate suiting and high heels. A desire to work from home. We’ve focused on removing the friction (read: removing the human interaction) in as many daily habits as possible: ordering food, calling an Uber, making reservations. There’s been a backlash to the “grind at all costs” work culture driven by the tech companies in the early aughts. Gone is the glorification of no sleep, replaced by a prioritization of self care and work life balance. In dating, the comfort of swiping at home has replaced the discomfort of an in person interaction and possible rejection.

Liz Moody talks about the fact that it’s a psychologically rich life that is ultimately what makes people the most fulfilled, not happiness or lack of discomfort.

So let’s try to Go All In?