Today is a quick hit of what I consider foundational dating and relationship content.
Esther Perel’s Ted Talk, Rethinking Infidelity
With over 25 million views, this talk from world renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel, turned so much of what I thought about relationships on its head. She took infidelity, something I thought of as monolithically black and white, and made it entirely shades of grey.
I Don’t Want to Talk About It By Terrence Real
I was blown away by this book. Real intersperses his own stories of growing up with an abusive, angry father, with stories of his male patients and the transformation they experience in Real’s therapy sessions. It’s a fascinating look into the subversive ways the patriarchy has been incredibly damaging to the emotional and interior lives of men. Once you read it, you’ll see so many of the behaviors reflected in the men in your lives - in colleagues, family members, relational partners, in the media. I analyze what Real’s work teaches us about the manosphere here.
Sovereign Love By Dene Logan
Sovereign Love is the first time I’d seen an extensive explanation of sexual polarity in relationships from an author with a more clinical background. Logan describes what healthy masculine and feminine energy looks like in partnership. Being in masculine or feminine energy is not a fixed state; everyone, of any gender, can be constantly flexing between wounded masculine, healthy masculine, wounded feminine and healthy feminine energies. Understanding these energetics is as fundamental as understanding other universal polarities: yin/yang, light/dark, positive/negative, expansion/contraction. Logan proposes that if we can understand how to move between our own healthy masculine and feminine energies, we can move out of codependency in partnership and build an interconnected relationship, maintaining each person’s sovereignty.
Callings By Gregg Levoy
While not an actual relationship book, I find Levoy’s writing about how to listen to & strengthen you intuition is foundational to honoring your own needs, showing up as your authentic self, and discovering what is most aligned for you in this lifetime - whether that’s a job, a relationship, a creative project or a lifestyle. He pulls from a fascinating variety of myths, parables, stories and research, weaving them together in way that will affirm that any whisper or inner desire you’ve had is there for a reason and should be nurtured and paid attention to. I got to interview Gregg in this substack and discuss his work through the lens of dating and relationships.
In Case You Missed It
A conversation with Dr. Eva Yacobi about why so many women feel emotionally flat
My personal healing journey with Jen Gnisci. We discuss how she works with women who are scared they won’t find partnership or have a child.
An analysis of the underlying cause of the manosphere.
A step by step exercise to finding your purpose, what energizes you, qualities to look for in a partner and qualities to cultivate in yourself for partnership
My wish for all of you on Valentine’s Day was more pleasure digestion and the discovery of your erotic blueprint.
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Thank you for being our human cliffnotes